Wednesday, July 9, 2014

Gerbil on a Wheel

Sometimes I find myself like a gerbil on a many emotions and thoughts in my head and all I can seem to do it go round and round until I am so worn down, I trip and fall. It is in these moments that I am grounded, forced to lay still, and trust that God has it all under control.

My tendencies to worry are like a slap in the face to the ONE I surrendered my life to so many years ago. My quick temper is a desperate attempt to be heard and the guilt....oh the guilt from the things I've done and have said.

I torture myself with murmurs of worthlessness and defeat and after so long, begin to believe just that. What will it take for me to understand that I can do nothing by my own strength?? When will I stop caring what others think and stand boldly proclaiming truth? When will I allow myself to trust people genuinely with my heart or should I?

I'm tired. Weary. Constantly battling with myself. I wonder how many more of us feel this way and are terrified to reach out for help, prayer...for fear that we will not be seen as holy, perfect and put together. For fear that we will be rejected. If we as the body of Christ have scared people into believing the lies of perfection and the standards of "Godliness" we place on each other, what have we learned and chosen to believe about being the hands and feet of Jesus?

Let's break the mold of Christianity and open our eyes to the standards that our Savior has set and not on the unattainable standards the world has set.

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